dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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