At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
