I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
