She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
