I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
