none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
