Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
