Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
