turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
