Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
