I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
