today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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