i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
