The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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