it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
