So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize