I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
