Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
