Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
this will be a night to untag.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
