I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
