I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
