My balls are so social today.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
