Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
