therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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