If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
