it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
