I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
