It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
