So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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