The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
