MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So apparently I’m into choking now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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