the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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