what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
