So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
