toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
