i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
