my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I smell like Dick and happiness
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
