one might say we're banned from that church
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
