I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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