first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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