All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
