I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
