Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
