Only a mothe r could love this liver
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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