so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
