just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
