dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
