Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
