i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
