Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
