I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
