I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
