I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
